I was the 1 in 5. I suffered and struggled to ask for help. I only let a small circle of people know what was going on or even help me for fear of judgment. Then, after the most intense season of postpartum anxiety started to pass, another season moved in and carried with it the weight of having to understand what happened to my identity. Since that time, it has been an ever-evolving journey of learning, accepting, and integrating new facets of my identity, coping with the anxiety as a new mom, athlete, psychologist, wife, Latina, and the list goes on.

Before my son Ari was born, I lived most of my life strongly identifying as an athlete. Being an athlete shaped my values, drive, desire for connection, teamwork, and group excellence. Much of my character development, determination, dedication, and commitment was shaped through athletics, mostly soccer, but later in life, running and triathlon. My athlete identity helped me achieve academically and excel in my career. As I went through life, you could see my core values take shape in the form of striving, accomplishing, doing, and needing to reach for the next thing. I even specialized in sports psychology for 10+ years and trailblazed the development of the first student-athlete mental health program in the California State University system. 

Then, after Ari was born, my whole world did a 180 and wonderfully revolved around him. My values remained the same but were channeled into motherhood. Doing and accomplishing had a new playing field. Motherhood was/is all-consuming; of course it is, a little human depends on you. For a while, I felt like I lost that athlete part of me that had driven or fueled so much of my previous life accomplishments. I had no drive for those things anymore. I fought so hard to get back what I thought was the “athlete me” and fell victim to the narrative of “moms bouncing back” or unrealistic expectations of racing, training, etc., and trying to be the “perfect mom”. The more I tried to chase down previous versions of myself or competitiveness, the more I suffered. Now, I understand and accept that it was not lost. It was transformed and is taking a new shape. But it took me a while to get here. I had to surrender and do the work to get through this. Thankfully, I did. 

Being a new mom is vulnerable, and we search for answers, especially on social media. Unfortunately, that leaves us vulnerable to people on social media passing themselves off as “coaches,” “gurus,” “consultants,” and influencers. Many are not licensed mental health providers or trained in perinatal mental health, risking possible harm and misguiding people who need professional help. Now, I am at a place in my journey where I can help and on a mission to help. But experience does not equate to competency in any field or profession, so I am now a fully certified PMH-C ✔️ Perinatal Mental Health psychologist! 

Personally and professionally, it’s my mission to support athlete mommas. Identity is intersectional, and far too often, when women athletes choose to become mothers, the struggle is real to integrate this new role of motherhood in sport. Every mom’s journey is different, and now more than ever we need each other for support. I see you mammas💙 I honor you💙 You are enough 💙 You are not alone💙

If you read the whole post, thank you! I appreciate you! If you have followed my blog and site for a while, you know that this has been a long journey of transformation, but the mission has remained the same- show up authentically to help, support, inspire, and empower YOU!

I am certified through Postpartum Support International, a worldwide network of evidence-based perinatal mental health support for moms, dads, and all birthing people. Please bookmark their website because someone you know, will know, or work with may need the resources there. Please reach out to me if you need support or guidance. 

Mucho love and peace on your journey! ~Dr. P